


I Promise

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-29
Updated: 2004-02-29
Packaged: 2018-12-26 17:12:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12063459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Michael realises a few things while he and Justin have a discussion.





	I Promise

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

"You know, Brian was really hurt when you left him," Michael said, out of the blue, one day as he and Justin worked on the story line for the next issue of Rage. When Justin didn't reply Michael went on. "He was lost without you."

Justin sighed. Mikey had chided him once already for leaving Brian for Ethan, it had been his right. What Mikey didn't understand, was while Justin had regretted his actions -- leaving Brian, practically using Ethan -- he had felt, still felt, that it had been the best choice he'd made; because it had been his choice. He had to prove to himself, and Brian, that he wasn't going to follow the older man around like a puppy forever. He'd leave that to Michael. He loved Brian, and he knew Brian loved him. And yes, he was happy being back with the ad exec, but had nothing changed, and things had changed -- had he stayed with Brian, never left, he would have been miserable.

Why? Because Brian was Brian. The only way to have Brian understand what he had, he had to lose it.

'If you love it let it leave, if it comes back it was meant to be,' wasn't that an old saying? And Brian had let him go. That small action had let Justin know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Brian did indeed love him. It was only foolish pride that kept him with Ethan for so long after the fact.

"He loves you; why? How? I don't know," Mikey was saying, interrupting his train of thought. "What is it about you?"

The last comment had been made mostly to himself, but it made Justin think.

What was it about him that made Brian actually want to keep him around? Was it because he just kept coming back, wouldn't take no for an answer? Was it the fact that he could practically read Brian's mood, his thoughts while no-one else seemed to be able to reach past the surface save for Lindsey and occasionally Debbie? It surely wasn't his looks because there were ten million other men in the world with comperable or surpassing him in appearence. What was it then?

"Maybe it's that I love him, beyond all thought or being, with my very soul," Justin murmured to himself, not even realising that he had spoken.

"At the very least you're obsessed with him," Mikey retorted.

Justin blinked. Shaking his head. "Maybe I was at first, I mean, he's gorgeous, who wouldn't be obsessed with him?" Justin smirked, locking eyes with Michael. "But after a while, once I got to know him, I knew I'd do anything for him. Even if that meant leaving him to get him to realise..." Justin stopped. Realise what? That he loved him? No, that wasn't right. 'I think he already knew he loved me... but has he, even yet, admitted it to himself?'

"You wanted him to show it, to show he felt something, anything, for you," Michael said, one of his few moments of clarity.

"Yes," Justin breathed.

"I guess after what happened with your father it's understandable. The man you'd looked up to all your life turning on you, I can't imagine how it must have made you feel. And then the person he turned on you because showing nothing towards you," Mikey's eyes lit up in understanding. "You felt shafted. You felt like you'd lost one of your most important things without a replacement. Felt lost and abandoned even, even though you had many other people who loved you; your mom, mine, Lindsey, everyone... Everyone but the one person you loved most, the one person who could make it all okay, make it all worth the loss."

Justin bit his lip. Michael, for all his faults, had hit the proverbial nail on the head.

"And yet," Michael looked at him now, his gaze holding a measure more respect than ever before. "And yet you clung for so long, without a shred of encouragement -- aside from the fact that he wanted your body... even the things he gave you, the computer and such, he gives to everyone because that's the way he is. You held on until you couldn't hold on any longer. You're a stronger man than I am, Justin. I held a childish lust for fifteen years, provoked every so often by Brian being how Brian is, but he showed me he loved me, as a best friend, as a brother and nothing more. You... you had only his lust for you to hold you, and that can only last one so long. And I didn't help matters." Michael's face fell. "I was a shit to you so often. Even when I had someone of my own, I still tried to take up all of Brian's time. God, I really AM pathetic."

Justin chuckled. "No, you were just obsessed."

Michael laughed. "Brian does have that effect on people."

They were silent for a measure of time before Michael spoke again. "It's true what I said before, that he was at a complete loss without you. He was a mess. He drank so much. Was always high. I'd never before wished for you to be around until then. Until then I, his best friend -- some best friend I am -- had no clue how much he loved you." Michael leveled him with his gaze. "Promise me something, Justin?"

"What?"

"Never leave him again. For his sake and mine, never ever leave him again. He would die, I think. And I could not stand to see the downward spiral."

"I promise."


End file.
